I know all I talk about is my break up lately but it’s honestly making me rethink my life and have a whole new perspective on my self worth.
I’ve never had the best self esteem in the world. Some days I think I look really awesome and I could definitely get Zac Efron’s attention but most of the time I think I couldn’t even get a cat to wink at me. It really takes a toll on me emotionally and physically. So when I began dating Joel my self esteem was actually at an all time low. He never once made me feel pretty or complimented me. Once he said “we’re in a relationship, all the compliments are already implied” (I dated a real winner, didn’t I?) Which is hard because having a low self esteem hearing anything nice can turn your whole day around. After the great break up of 2015 I began to do some personal reflection and starting to really think about my self worth and how awesome I can be.
Being away from church for the 8 months just dragged me down into this horrible downward spiral of disgusting unhappiness. Before dating Joel I was so extremely happy with how my life was. I was active in church, I did my calling the best that I could, I felt like I was always worthy of the love Heavenly Father had for me. Dating Joel: I acted happy but in reality I cried more times in that relationship than a person should, I never went to church, I felt so unworthy of any love from Heavenly Father. After dating Joel: I’m starting to pick up all the pieces and getting back to where I was before. I’m trying to be a better person than I was before dating Joel. I’m active in church again, I’m happy, and I’m realizing that Heavenly Father has always loved me whether or not I felt it or not.
I think it takes some trials in life to truly feel what you need in life. I know what I want in life now and I’m not going to let a stupid boy stop me anymore. I’m ready to pick up all the broken and empty pieces I feel and glue them back together. I deserve so much better than what I had and it took maybe 4 seconds after we broke up to realize that. I’m beginning to love myself just the way I am because I know Heavenly Father made me in His image.