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I’m sure as most of you know I’ve been dating this guy name John for the past few months and a lot of questions came up when I said “hey I’m dating this guy.” So I thought I’d just answer some questions and then rant a little about something.

John and I met when he was on visiting his dad on leave before getting stationed in Hawaii. When we met I had no clue in a month I’d be flying to Hawaii to see him but I’m so glad I was able to. As most of you know not too long again I got out of that horrible relationship with whats his butt and being in another relationship wasn’t number one on my priorities list. But people come into your life when you least expect it and I’m so glad John is in my life now. He’s a complete 180 from whats his butt and I honestly couldn’t be happier. He brings out the best in me and treats me how a woman should be treated even if he is 2,722 miles away. He’s definitely the best and who else would walk around the Army base with me singing “Love is an Open Door?”

A bit about John: He’s originally from Texas and has been in the army since he was 18. He’s been stationed in California, Texas and now Hawaii. He’s 24 and our birthdays are 2 days apart which makes me oddly happy. In the army he’s an Arabic linguist so yes he does speak Arabic. I wish I could say I’ve heard it but I haven’t… yet. He’s huge Dallas Cowboys fan and apparently since we’re dating I have to be one too…ew gag me.

A few things that I’ve learned over the course of dating him is that: 1) distance really really sucks 2) dating someone in the military is HARD 3) having support is honestly the best thing in the world.
Distance is hard on anyone. Not being able to hug John whenever is one of the worst things ever especially when I’m sad and all I want is a John hug. Distance makes the heart grow fonder and it really does. When I do get to see John (which will hopefully be in December!!)) I know I’ll treasure the moments with him because time goes by SOOOOO fast.
Dating/Being married to someone in the military is probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to go through. There’s the constant fear of him being deployed, the field training every month, not being able to talk to him all the time etc. Every military girlfriend/wife is in a different situation and each one is tough for them. If you say one has harder than another that’s bull crap.
Having support is one of the things that has gotten me through the past couple months because there’s times when I say “what the heck am I doing??” but having support from friends and family has been so helpful.

Hopefully this has answered all questions you had about John. 🙂 If you have any other questions don’t hesitate to ask.

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Shea vs Social Media

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Last night I had an epiphany and I think it’s one that everyone should have at least once.

My epiphany: So yesterday I was scrolling on twitter and I noticed a tweet that was obviously about me (us young folks call them subtweets) and it honestly hurt my feelings a little. But then I realized I’m getting upset over a tweet that shouldn’t even matter to me. Here’s when my epiphany comes into play. We all get so caught up on what people think about us on social media, how many likes we get on an instagram picture, what people think about our relationships, etc. Social media has ruined the future generations and the self esteem of young girls and boys. We all care about being “relationship goals” or having the most favorites on a selfie. I know I’m guilty of those and it’s sad that I’ve cared those for so long. I can guarantee that in about 10 years no is going to care if you were “goals af” or if you had 234 likes on a picture. Those things just won’t matter to anymore.
Don’t get me wrong there are some positives to social media but we’ve definitely strayed away from them. I love being able to see what my family and friends that don’t live near are doing and how their lives are. Another positive is being able to share what you’ve learned in church. I honestly love when people post scriptures on facebook. I don’t care what religion their from but it’s nice to see something that isn’t political or anything.
I’m admitting this now but I’ve had a HUGE addiction to social media since 8-9th grade and it’s time I started to put other things before social media. I spend about 70% of my phones battery scrolling through twitter and facebook and instagram. I’ve started with getting rid of my twitter app because that’s the one I use the most. I’m deactivating it just yet because there are some pictures I do want to save. I’m definitely going to keep facebook because I’m sure everyone will want to stay updated with my love life (lolz) And I’m definitely keeping insta because I don’t spend countless hours on that.
My challenge to everyone is to spend less time on social media and more time reading a book or catching a butterfly. Social media has kind of become a disease and thankfully it’s one that can easily be cured.

Picking up the broken pieces

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I know all I talk about is my break up lately but it’s honestly making me rethink my life and have a whole new perspective on my self worth.

I’ve never had the best self esteem in the world. Some days I think I look really awesome and I could definitely get Zac Efron’s attention but most of the time I think I couldn’t even get a cat to wink at me. It really takes a toll on me emotionally and physically. So when I began dating Joel my self esteem was actually at an all time low. He never once made me feel pretty or complimented me. Once he said “we’re in a relationship, all the compliments are already implied” (I dated a real winner, didn’t I?) Which is hard because having a low self esteem hearing anything nice can turn your whole day around. After the great break up of 2015 I began to do some personal reflection and starting to really think about my self worth and how awesome I can be.

Being away from church for the 8 months just dragged me down into this horrible downward spiral of disgusting unhappiness. Before dating Joel I was so extremely happy with how my life was. I was active in church, I did my calling the best that I could, I felt like I was always worthy of the love Heavenly Father had for me. Dating Joel: I acted happy but in reality I cried more times in that relationship than a person should, I never went to church, I felt so unworthy of any love from Heavenly Father. After dating Joel: I’m starting to pick up all the pieces and getting back to where I was before. I’m trying to be a better person than I was before dating Joel. I’m active in church again, I’m happy, and I’m realizing that Heavenly Father has always loved me whether or not I felt it or not.

I think it takes some trials in life to truly feel what you need in life. I know what I want in life now and I’m not going to let a stupid boy stop me anymore. I’m ready to pick up all the broken and empty pieces I feel and glue them back together. I deserve so much better than what I had and it took maybe 4 seconds after we broke up to realize that. I’m beginning to love myself just the way I am because I know Heavenly Father made me in His image.

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How to deal with heartbreak 101

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Heartbreak is never an easy thing to do through. It happens to everyone sometime in their life and it honestly just sucks. But sometimes it takes getting out of a relationship to see how good your life is going to be without this person. Right now I’m dealing with my own heart break. Yes, that means Joel and I broke up. It’s not fun let me tell you. You spent countless hours thinking “if I did this would we still be together” You cry buckets upon buckets of tears. You’re constantly feeling like you’re in a horrible nightmare and that you’ll wake up any second and you’ll still be dating. You never want to leave your bed or be around people. It takes every single ounce of strength you have to pull yourself out of bed and go to the gym or to class. Heartbreak is one of the worst feelings in the world.

When you’re dating someone it’s like you have these blinders on like a horse when they’re racing. You only see the person you want to see, not the person they actually are. Sometimes you’re so head over heals for this person that even if they treat you bad you put up with it because you don’t want to lose them. That’s exactly how I was. I’m not saying Joel was always mean or rude to me but there was definitely some warning signs I should have saw. I let him change me completely. I stopped going to church because he didn’t like Mormons. I didn’t want him to break up with me. Never in a million years would I thought I would let a boy change me so much. I defended him so much saying he was a nice guy, he was caring, he was respectful but in reality he was the opposite. I’m not going to go into much detail about him because he did have his moments where he was a great boyfriend.

As I was talking with my friends yesterday we talked about how break ups are a learning experience and you need to learn something from each of them. I have learned a lot from this.
1) don’t let a boy change you for any reason. Yes change is good. But if they completely change your religious beliefs or anything else so precious to you, they aren’t the one.
2) if they never make an effort to see you and you’re the one making all the effort you should probably stop and think to yourself “is this worth it?” your boyfriend should want to spend time with you and not say “we don’t need to see each other every weekend” you should probably get out of that relationship and find someone who does love spending time with you.
3) don’t let how you feel about them dictate how you should be treated. Like I said, you almost always have these blinders on when you’re dating someone and they block out a lot of the things you don’t want to see. You should never have to put up with someone who treats you like crap. You deserve the best.
4) it takes heartbreak to see what you truly deserve and your ex’s are examples of boys you should never date again.
5) don’t date someone who isn’t supportive. If they are just a negative nelly and don’t give you praise for doing something good or support when you’re feeling sad: GET OUT!! You should never have to feel like everything you do whether is good or bad is stupid. They should support you through your highs and your lows.

Heart break sucks, it really does. But once those blinders come off you finally get to see the true identity of the person. It stings a little because you think “wow, how did I put up with his BS for so long?” Sometimes it makes you feel worthless and you hate yourself for letting a boy dictate your life.

Yesterday, I was reminded of how much my Heavenly Father does love me. I forgot what it felt like to feel His overwhelming love for me. People are placed in your life as a blessing or a lesson. Those lessons can hurt like heck but you’ll always have your Heavenly Father to help you get through it all. I know I’ll be okay after a while. I know I have amazing friends who literally dropped everything to make me feel better. I know I have a family that loves me so much. I know that there is someone out there for me that’ll treat me like a princess. I know my Heavenly Father loves me so much and even though I fell away from Church for awhile He’s there with open arms waiting to welcome me back.

Be Kind

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Something that’s been on my mind lately is cyberbullying. In the world we live in today social media is something almost everyone has. It can be used for good like updating family who don’t live near you, sharing something you learned in church, share pictures etc but it can also be used for bad like cyberbullying. Cyberbullying has been going on since social media got popular and it has grown a lot with how popular facebook, twitter etc have gotten. For me cyberbullying isn’t something I take lightly, since I was cyberbullied at one point in my life.

Being told that I’m the reason why my mom drinks and I’m the ugly fat friend wasn’t my prime moment of my senior year. A few years ago, I had a twitter account that was dedicated to me being Mormon. It was an account I could tweet about something that I learned in church or something I read in my scriptures and not have people judge me. I loved it so much. There’s thousands upon thousands of LDS teens in this little twitter community and it’s awesome. Another popular app that I used along with twitter was Ask.Fm, it’s basically an app that people can anonymously ask you questions. One night this person was saying all these cruel things to be and disgusting sexual things about my friends. I don’t think I’ve cried harder in my life. How could someone that could possibly be LDS say such rude things about me? I’m really thankful for amazing friends because they all stuck up for me. I’m also thankful that I didn’t let it get to me and didn’t last for more than 24 hours.

One of the points I’m attempting but failing to make is that you never know what’s going on in somebodies life and what you say whether it be to their face or through the computer screen could really affect them. I once saw someone say “cyberbullying isn’t even a thing, just log off the computer.” Yes, you can log off but honestly what the people said still float around in your head. Sometimes what that person said to me come to mind and it still hurts. One of the things I try really hard at is being nice to everyone. It kind of amazes that people hide behind their computer screens and bring people down for fun.

I just think that everyone should think twice before saying something mean about someone. What you say can change their day in some many ways. Cyberbullying is something I hope and pray dies out. No one should be afraid to post a picture on facebook or tweet something and then have someone call them ugly and fat or stupid. Be kind to everyone you meet, a smile can go a long way for someone. 🙂

Shea’s year in review

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The year is coming to an end and about this time of year people begin making flipgrams that you can’t even see any of the pictures because they go lightspeed. So I decided to another blog about my year because this year was a roller coaster and I’m surprised I survived lolz.
((Nothing cool happened in January-February so we’re gonna pretend they never happpened))

So in March/April I got to go to Utah for the first and it was honestly the best trip ever. I know that’s a typical LDS girl thing to say but it was so fun. I got to do baptisms in the Salt Lake Temple which has been a dream for like 2 years. And I got to go with one of my good friends, London, so that made it more swaggy. Not to brag or anything, but I saw David Archuleta like 4 seconds of being in Salt lake and I bawled my eyes out and I’m not ashamed. He’s so beautiful. My only regret is not jumping out and hugging him. Also, I saw MoTab (if you don’t what MoTab means you’re obvi not cool. jk but its The Mormon Tabernacle Choir) they rock harder than Mick Jagger tbh. Oh and another not to brag moment but I got to go to the FIRST EVER General Woman’s Meeting. It was honestly the coolest thing ever. Being in the Conference center and seeing the Prophet and other General Authorities was so cool! I took a selfie with President Uchtdorf from like forever away but still… it was cool. I also went to Provo and went to the BYU creamery and had too much lactose and got sick. ((Oh I also, found out I’m lactose intolerant so that was a fun surprise)) Utah was so much fun and I’m glad I got to go with my best friend and her family. It was awesome meeting her birth family. They are such amazing people and I’m grateful for them.

Fast forward a month to the end of April/May… So on a Sunday I was sitting in church and I felt my legs get tingly. I didn’t really think much of it because my legs always fall asleep, so I got up and walked around but that didn’t help. When I got home from church I made a burrito and watched some tv. Maybe an hour or two later I began feeling sick and gross. I have this cool talent that when I’m about to throw up I yawn a lot so I knew something was happening. I honestly thought it was food poisoning from the burrito so my parents threw the burriots away. The next day I still felt crappy but I went to class still. A few days later I went and got costa vida and felt good. A few hours later in institute I began feeling sick again. So I rush home and barely made it home and threw up again. So I was like okay food poisoning again??? Fast forward a week later I get costa vida again with Katie and Isabelle. As I’m eating my food I was talking with Katie and I was like “I hope I never get blood clots because I see how much pain they cause you” little did I know I could tell the future. The next day I wake up at 7 and feel sick. After I got done being sick I was having a really hard time breathing. I thought I was having a panic attack because apparently that happens to people when their health sucks. An hour passed and I still had a hard time breathing. After about two hours of not being able to breath my dad took me to the ER right down the street from us. They got me in right away and began running tests. I got an Xray and when they came back they said they saw some spots on my lungs that looked like blood clots. The second I heard blood clots I began crying because in case you didn’t know, blood clots suck. So I went in and got a CatScan and if you’ve ever gotten a catscan the stuff they put in your IV makes you think you peed your pants so not a fan. When the results came back they confirmed I had blood clots in my lungs. So lucky me right?? I got transported to Kadlec by ambulance and it wasn’t as cool as I thought it was gonna be. I just wanted to sleep and they kept talking to me… like shut up I wanna sleep. I was at Kadlec for 4 days and it sucked because I got woken up by alarms and people poking me 25/7 but the mashed potatoes were good. And I had two LDS nurses so that was swaggy. I’m grateful for the people that came and visted me and gave me blessings because it was honestly the scariest thing of my life. I could have died and I’m not just saying that to be dramatic. If I would have ignored my breathing problem they could have traveled to my heart or brain and that would be bad. After I got out of the hospital I had blood tests every week plus I had to give myself shots twice a day plus take coumadin. So moral of the story is make sure to stretch when you go on long road trips because you’ll get blood clots and Mr. Simm will give you an “awesome” nickname ((it was Schweezer the Clot))
Oh I got released from primary in May and then began going to the Singles branch… haha yeah. It’s pretty fun! I miss the babies though. Quiet sacrament meetings are kind of weird.

Nothing cool happened in June or July that I can remember… uhhh I went to the dentist and didn’t get poked to death so blood thinners came in handy ONCE!

Fast forward to August… August was a good month for me. So in August I got off blood thinners after just three months of being on them. It was great. But that’s not why August was good. I, Shea, got a boyfriend. People never thought it was happen but ma I made it. His name is Joel and he’s the bee’s knees. We went on our first date the first week of August and like a week later we became offish. He isn’t a member which I’m 100% okay with because I don’t discriminate. I haven’t pushed him to go to church with me or go to activities because I was once pushed into a religion and that turned out bad. If he wants to come with me, I will always say yes but until then, I’m not gonna force him to go. He’s chill with what he’s doing with life. But anywho, he’s probably the best guy ever. I’m #blessed.

September school started again and it sucked monkey butt. I was taking math and this was my third time taking this class and I think I cried about 70 times a week because of it. If you know me, math is the worst subject in the world. No joke. If you like it then I’m sorry you’re wrong. But I was determined to pass math this quarter. So fun story, I thought I failed the class and I cried for 2 days but lol I didn’t. Idk how I passed but I did pass the class with a 2.2. That was super awesome. Two more math classes and I’ll be done with math forever and I could not be more excited.

October I turned 21 and I didn’t get wasted beyond belief like everyone else in the world. I have two reasons why I don’t drink. 1) Words of Wisdom homies. Read about it and Love it. 2) Even if I wasn’t LDS I’m about 98% positive I wouldn’t drink because my mom is an alcoholic and seeing what drinking does to her makes it so unappealing to me. I love my mom with all my heart but her drinking makes it tough for me to like her. But my birthday was awesome. I got a cool pillow and an amazing necklace from Joel so best birthday ever.

In November I got to go to Leavenworth with Joel and his family and meet his dad’s side of the family and the whole time I was there I thought of my mom’s side of the family. They are so much alike it’s super scary. They’re loud, like the Seahawks, get crazy, and drink a little. So it was super easy for me to like them. I’m glad I was able to go with them, Leavenworth is the best place ever and it was so much fun.

Overall, I think I had a pretty amazing year with pretty amazing people. I hope 2015 is just as amazing as this year ((minus the blood clots. those can stay in 2014)) Thanks for reading this… it was kinda long but hey some people like knowing about my life. :))

Have a great Christmas and a Happy New Year.
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He has a plan for me.

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This week has been a rough one for me. I had a final for my math class and I need 3% to pass the class. I studied, had friends come over and help me, and I went to the tutor center. If you ask me, I did everything I could to pass this class and get out of this horrible math class. As I was taking the test I felt pretty confident. I knew how to do everything even the words problems. About two hours after I took the test I was looking online and my grade was already posted. I literally failed my class by 1.4% if that’s not annoying I don’t know what is. So after some hardcore bawling my dad and I decided to email the dean of math and science to basically complain because complaining is what I do. This is my third time taking this class so either I really do suck at math or the teachers suck at teaching or the grading scale is stupid. ((Probs the last two))

So today I was driving and something popped into my head and it was that “He has a plan for me” maybe His plan is for me not to attend CBC and focus on other things or maybe its to learn something that I apparently still have to learn. I’m not sure, but whatever it is. I will trust in The Lord and His timing. I’ve been trying to keep a positive attitude towards everything and knowing that I did everything I could to pass my math class. I’ve definitely wanted to riot at CBC or say whats really on my mind to the dean but I know that won’t solve anything. Having faith in The Lord is really the only thing that is gonna get me through any trial. No matter how big or how small. Putting my Heavenly Father first and remembering His timing is perfect.

🙂